Still Alive

I’m still alive…i know I haven’t updated this thing since like a long time. There’s just nothing to say right now plus I’ve been kinda busy. A lot of stuff has been goin on. I don’t have time to do a lot after school and blogging isn’t really a priority. I’m here now tho…

So since the last update I’ve turned 16. I don’t really feel 16 yet…but I know I’m not fifteen…so I feel kinda in the middle. Its weird but alright. I’ve been cleaning up my room and I found my figurine I got when I turned fifteen and its a girl in a lavendar dress for her Quinceanera. I need to find a place for that.

I’m really tired right now. I stay up kinda late sometimes cuz I’m OCD about a few things. like I gotta know what I’m gonna wear tomorrow, how I wanna do my makeup, if I have my stuff for tomorrow, blah blah. Little stuff wakes me up like if a paper is rattling somewhere or if the fan is making a funny noise. I don’t get scared, just annoyed.

Since a lot of stuff has been goin on I’ve been keeping myself busy and tryin to be stress free. People around me get stressed and vent to me about it and then I feel stressed too…for them and then y’know I get stressed too w/ my own things. I’ve been playin with my makeup a lot more. I got a set of like twenty somethin shadows with blushes and lipsticks and lip colors. I’ve been forgetting all about my writing though, which isn’t good. I forgot I was writing a story till someone asked me how the story was coming along. ‘Told ‘em I didn’t know what they were talking about and the they instantly realized I had stopped. Its a good story…its original, I think cuz I can’t think of ANY other book like this. I’m also writing another side story, which I neglected too. Its about my alter ego…if I had one.

Idk if alter egos exist within everyone or even in me. But I’m sorta using it as like “my other side”. Everyone has something they can do thats unexpected for people who are used to seein them a certain way. My alter ego has attitude and isn’t afriad to say the first thing that comes in her mind. She’s real with everyone-maybe a little too real. Lately I’ve been havin people who tell me that I’ve been dressing different like ghetto and how this year I seem more talkative and quick to snap with attitude. Idk what that means cuz I’m being myself and my alter ego doesn’t come out. So I don’t get that.

Ugh, I’m tired so I’m gonna go to bed. Tomorrow is October. Summer is really gone. I don’t like colder weather. But I do like Christmas, Thanksgiving and Winter Break. I’ll update here later on!!

Don’t Worry About It

My friend and I always have a lot of sarcastic stuff that we say. Like we’ll talk about something and the other who’s listening will sometimes say, “You should’ve said ____________.” Awhile ago we laughed at how many times you can tell someone, “Don’t worry about it” and “Oukkayy” [<--say it in a stupid voice]. Cuz if someone says, “So what’d you do at school today?” You say, “Don’t worry about it.” Or you get in trouble and your parents say you’re grounded and you say back, “Oukkayy.” And tons of other ways.

The other night I was on Yahoo Answers just giving a little advice before I went to bed and the next day or so I got best answer for them. Some of those people say I give good advice, some of my friends say I give good advice. But funny thing is, is that I can never take my own. You can tell a person don’t worry about it, do your best, say ______ next time or some sort of advice that later on that you end up needing yourself. But its really hard to accept it unless someone else says what you need to hear.

I over analyze a lot some days. Some days I’ll overthink something and worry about it-and its not even worth it. Other times I’m able to calm myself down and just realize its no big deal. This week was over analyzing. It wasn’t till I had a few people tell me don’t worry about it and everything that I needed to hear before I was able to just accept it and believe it and start to move on. Not everyone is always gonna be able to say what you need to hear though and I know its important to be able to be independent and not trust everyone to give advice to you if they say they will b/c it may not always work. As much as I like giving out some (if I really think what I say will be of help) it can be very relieving to hear the words you need to hear.

Sooo for anyone who had an overanalyzing couple of days like me…DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!!! Its summertime and I think this summer should be good (you saw that long list from the other post I did) but the only way to really enjoy it is to quit freaking out, I think. And then you go to the beach and run down the shore and build the biggest sand castle ever!!! I know I am…or at least I want to if I can go this year.

Mushrooms and GTA IV

I really hate a lot of foods…I’m kinda a picky eater. One food I hate the most is mushrooms. They look gross and I’m pretty sure their taste is just the same. Today after school I had a snack, a little of my parents leftovers from Cracker Barrel (one of my fav. restruants!!) which was some chicken and rice or something. I saw mashed potatoes and took a taste. Then somethin didn’t seem so right, so I spat out all that was in my mouth and searched the plate to find mushrooms at the bottom. Eww. I fished them out from every spoonful, holdin my breath. The meatsauce on my spaghetti I had when I went out to dinner had some mushrooms in it too. Double eww. The smell, look and thought of their taste makes my stomach turn.

As many people already know by now, GTA IV came out today. I was excited cuz I wanted to buy it but since I don’t have a game consule, I had planned to do it on PC. Stupid? I just think using the arrow keys to control the car is easier for me than using that other thing on Xbox. But I found out PC versions don’t come out till like 6 months-year later. WHAT?! That’s crazy! So now I’m disappointed..I was lookin forward to driving some new cars, watching TV (new thing Rockstar added to GTA) and the missions are fun. Maybe blowing things up and shooting is kinda…mmm..violent?…but its a video game and I’m not the kind of person who can’t tell the difference between real life and Grand Theft Auto. Plus there’s other things to do there too like bowling, using the fake internet at the coffee shop, and using the cell phone-all new things too. People who know me know I’m not gonna go crazy, I just like the cars and stuff. Anyway, I sorta envy those who already got it for themselves. Play a mission or something for me cuz I won’t be getting mine till a long time it looks like…

Dreams that Don’t Come True

There’s a lot of stuff I wanted to do when I was little. I wanted to be everything under the sun-a cop, an FBI agent, a ballerina, an actress, a writer, a singer, and more. I was listening to this song by one of my favorite singers named Plumb and one of her songs for her kids off her new album Blink is a song called In My Arms and she’s talking about how one day they won’t have their innocence and they will find out more stuff (one line says “you’ll someday see the truth for lies”) and how she won’t always be there when they get hurt and stuff. One of the lines goes something like:

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

In a interview about this song she said her husband, who’s a big dreamer, says that line about dreams not coming true is kinda sad. I think so too. It makes me think of the disappointment you get when you work hard for something you’ve dreamt of for so long and then it doesn’t work out someway or another. What do you do when your dreams don’t come true? A lot of people say some dreams may never come true but they never say what you do with that dream that never came true. It’d be hard to forget about something you thought of for long time like that. I just wonder about the stuff I wanna do and then I just hope that it all comes true and all of these things I aspire come true. I don’t wanna be everything anymore but I wanna do a few things…a few things that mean a lot and should come true.

Even with the love of family, the dream that once was close to coming true but died, would still kill me. Is that crazy? Maybe I put a lot in what I do, but I just want some stuff to happen. One of the worst things that could happen is watch something turn into nothing but probably just as bad, if not worse is watching nothing turn into nothing. As in, maybe despite the fact that some stuff doesn’t come true, I’d still rather try and go for it then sit on my butt and do nothing and get old. (Remember when I said in that Growing Up Too Fast? post about the age of old age when it gets to that time where it feels as if birthdays come every week?)

The Last Laugh

(The subject probably doesn’t fit this entry but whatever, it seemed to fit right to me anyway.) I’ve got a pretty good memory, I think. I can remember peoples names really good most of the time and I can remember my passwords to all my emails, profiles or whatever I signed up for. Most of all, I can remember things that happened years ago…like even as far back as 7 or 8 years ago and pull out a funny story from there and can remember it good. Sometimes me and someone else will talk about funny stuff from the past and laugh about it. Other times it’ll be just me and I’ll do/see something that makes me think of something funny and I have a little laugh about it. Today I had a big laugh about somethin. This has to do with a comic though. This is an old comic from awhile back from one of my favorite comic strips called F-Minus. Now maybe this isn’t very funny, but to me it is. I have tons of others that are funnier or just as funny on my computer too.

 Click here to read it

I don’t know why some people give me weird looks when I laugh. I mean, yeah, I guess its kinda odd seeing someone just like start bursting into laugh out of nowhere but at least they’re happy..right? And with all of the people I’ve been hearing complaining, being mad over stupid stuff that doesn’t even matter-a little happiness isn’t gonna kill ‘em. Thats another blog though..